My Heart's Anxiety

I don't like being vulnerable. It makes me uncomfortable.

I'm in a relationship right now. I've never been this serious with anyone before. Turns out it's not as easy as I thought it would be. I mean he's great and I love being with him. But we have two very busy and separate lives. I'm starting my Master's program in Provo. He's going to school in Logan. Figuring things out and making things work is stressful.

Usually I don't let guys effect me so much. Usually I have control over my emotions. Usually I am super independent and could go days just doing my own thing and not care. Usually.

Now I feel .....well not sure what I feel. It's like I'm a glass case of emotions. I'll be ecstatically happy and walking on cloud 9. I'll be frustrated. I'll be so sad it's hard to function. I've allowed myself to like this boy so much it's messed me up. That's really what it comes down to. I've never allowed myself to like a boy this much and it scares me shizless. Oi.

I know that I need to stop over thinking and over analyzing things. But it's hard! It's so incredibly hard. I wish that caring for someone didn't make me so vulnerable. I think it would ease my heart's anxiety levels tremendously.