When I was kid I was so adventurous & bold. If I wanted to do something I usually made it happen. Or at least did my best attempt at making it happen. Shyness wasn't really a huge issue for me either. My older brother always jokes that when I met a new person I would be shy for about two seconds and then suddenly be best friends with the person. Probably an early sign of my interest in people. But the point is that I didn't let things scare me enough to stop me. If I liked a boy in my class I told him point blank. If I wanted to ride a razor scooter down the steepest hill in my city without a helmet I did. I climbed the tallest trees I could find. I roamed through the neighborhoods exploring for treasures. I talked to strangers on the city bus. I found people to play with. I had no inhibitions.
That was when I was kid.
Something changed over the years for me. I'm not as bold or fearless as I once was. I still feel comfortable talking to strangers and I still like going on outdoor adventures. I still like learning new things. But now if I like someone the very thought of admitting it makes me tense. Sometimes when thrown into new situations I experience a slight panic before I can calm myself down. And driving in any foreign or unfamiliar place stresses me out hardcore.
So I have to wonder, what changed?
What in my life made me second guess myself? Was it just a part of growing up? Did I learn it from others? These are questions that have occupied my mind the last few days. I'm not saying that I don't like who I am. Because I do like myself. I like who I am & where I am in life. But I do want to re find that adventurous, bold, & fearless little girl that I once was. I think she would add more enjoyment to my life. I see glimpses of her occasionally. And I've got to say that life is definitely more spontaneous & fun when she returns. I guess what I'm trying to get across is that for a point in time I didn't let things stop me or scare me. I want to be like that again.
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