I don't like being vulnerable. It makes me uncomfortable.
I'm in a relationship right now. I've never been this serious with anyone before. Turns out it's not as easy as I thought it would be. I mean he's great and I love being with him. But we have two very busy and separate lives. I'm starting my Master's program in Provo. He's going to school in Logan. Figuring things out and making things work is stressful.
Usually I don't let guys effect me so much. Usually I have control over my emotions. Usually I am super independent and could go days just doing my own thing and not care. Usually.
Now I feel .....well not sure what I feel. It's like I'm a glass case of emotions. I'll be ecstatically happy and walking on cloud 9. I'll be frustrated. I'll be so sad it's hard to function. I've allowed myself to like this boy so much it's messed me up. That's really what it comes down to. I've never allowed myself to like a boy this much and it scares me shizless. Oi.
I know that I need to stop over thinking and over analyzing things. But it's hard! It's so incredibly hard. I wish that caring for someone didn't make me so vulnerable. I think it would ease my heart's anxiety levels tremendously.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Graduate School
Hello all!
I have the most exciting news to share. My life has changed drastically in the last week and I couldn't be more excited about the change. As you can guess from the title of the post.....
I was accepted into the BYU Master's of Social Work Program!!!!!
That's right I get to go back to school! Last April I had been notified that I had made the waiting list for the program but shouldn't count on being accepted because rarely do people drop out of the program. The news was devastating to me. I think I cried off and on through out the whole day. And then in June I found out that ASU had accepted me into their program to begin this Fall. The acceptance brought relief but no real excitement. I didn't feel right about going down there. And though my decision seemed crazy to some I declined the invitation for this Fall and chose to stay in Provo. I planned to just work another year.
And then last week while at Camp Kesem (which I will tell more about in a future post) I got a voicemail from Dr. Limb, the Dean of the Social Work Program at BYU saying he had something to discuss with me. So I ran to the nearest possible location I could get cell phone service and returned his call...only to get his voicemail.....have him get my voicemail again later....and finally a few hours later I got Dr. Limb on the phone. A girl in the program dropped out last minute and I was next on the waiting list and was invited to begin this Fall. Naturally I accepted the wonderful offer!
I had to wait until Camp to be over so I could go home and check my email to get all the needed stuff done. But here I am, one week to go until my first day of classes, nervous & excited. This morning before work I got my student ID card, registered for my classes, and paid my tuition. Now I just need to get all my books. Walking across campus felt like home to me. Which is funny cause I go on campus all the time for various meetings. But now I don't feel like a visitor or an outsider. I am a student there now. I belong there. And it feels so right.
School is my life. Really it is. This last year away from it has been nice and relaxing I admit. But I missed it greatly. I feel like my real self comes out with the stress and busyness of school. I know I'm going to be stressed out of my mind. I can count on having at least one major break down in tears. But I don't care. I love it. I love school. I love learning. I am so thankful that I have this opportunity and count it as a tender mercy from Heavenly Father.
In one week I'll be back in school and in two years I'll graduate with my MSW.
I have the most exciting news to share. My life has changed drastically in the last week and I couldn't be more excited about the change. As you can guess from the title of the post.....
I was accepted into the BYU Master's of Social Work Program!!!!!
That's right I get to go back to school! Last April I had been notified that I had made the waiting list for the program but shouldn't count on being accepted because rarely do people drop out of the program. The news was devastating to me. I think I cried off and on through out the whole day. And then in June I found out that ASU had accepted me into their program to begin this Fall. The acceptance brought relief but no real excitement. I didn't feel right about going down there. And though my decision seemed crazy to some I declined the invitation for this Fall and chose to stay in Provo. I planned to just work another year.
And then last week while at Camp Kesem (which I will tell more about in a future post) I got a voicemail from Dr. Limb, the Dean of the Social Work Program at BYU saying he had something to discuss with me. So I ran to the nearest possible location I could get cell phone service and returned his call...only to get his voicemail.....have him get my voicemail again later....and finally a few hours later I got Dr. Limb on the phone. A girl in the program dropped out last minute and I was next on the waiting list and was invited to begin this Fall. Naturally I accepted the wonderful offer!
I had to wait until Camp to be over so I could go home and check my email to get all the needed stuff done. But here I am, one week to go until my first day of classes, nervous & excited. This morning before work I got my student ID card, registered for my classes, and paid my tuition. Now I just need to get all my books. Walking across campus felt like home to me. Which is funny cause I go on campus all the time for various meetings. But now I don't feel like a visitor or an outsider. I am a student there now. I belong there. And it feels so right.
School is my life. Really it is. This last year away from it has been nice and relaxing I admit. But I missed it greatly. I feel like my real self comes out with the stress and busyness of school. I know I'm going to be stressed out of my mind. I can count on having at least one major break down in tears. But I don't care. I love it. I love school. I love learning. I am so thankful that I have this opportunity and count it as a tender mercy from Heavenly Father.
In one week I'll be back in school and in two years I'll graduate with my MSW.
Hoorraayyy!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)